October Break Part 2

By Tamika Whitenack

I contemplated with making this post about sadness, because I've been thinking about that these past two days, but I think my adventures are more interesting so I'll just put the sadness part at the end.

I didn't take quite as many pictures from the second half of October break, so I will actually write some stuff! And then include more pictures from the entirety of October break.

On Tuesday we traveled down from Montreal to visit Mariko in Hanover. My mom and I stopped at Shelburne farms in Vermont and the Ben & Jerry's factory (pics in the last post). When we arrived in Hanover we made a stop at the co-op and then went to Mar's apartment!
Personally, I think I would go a little crazy living in her space for an extended period of time because it definitely shows the neglect of busy college students in terms of cleanliness. But, she has lots of nice beds and her own (very small) kitchen (also technically everything is shared with roommate so I might be using possessives wrong here). The plan for Tuesday dinner was to make potstickers with Emily, one of her Dartmouth buds, so we did that and it was fun and yummy. So much scrumptious Asian food over this break, I am lucky! Also, Mariko fed us pumpkin pie which was good and added to the dessert list of the day, which already included ice cream and part of a cider donut, plus bagels in the morning. Yikes.

It was lovely to see Mar, but sadly she actually still had to go to class and do college things, so we didn't spend that much time with her while we visited. Wednesday we went on a lovely little hike, and then an adventure to the Asian market and to her favorite place, The Sandwich Station to get dinner foods. We also met another Dartmouth pal, Kim. Yay, connecting Mariko's sphere of people that she likes. On Thursday, we went on a stock-the-fridge expedition to Hannaford's and attempted to go to King Arthur Flour for lunch but it was crazy crazy busy so we retreated to our bread and cheese at home.

Ma and I did some adventuring on our own, and took full advantage of the seasonal beauty that is autumn in New England. On Wednesday we went apple-picking (and raspberries too!), and on Thursday we visited the Quechee Gorge and made a brief stop at Simon Pearce to watch glass-blowing and look at very expensive items.

This was definitely the more relaxed part of the trip (we did lots of fun stuff and lots of walking in Montreal), but it was really nice just to go adventuring with my mommy and to see Mariko and do normal life things. I was quite content. Also maybe overly relaxed, because every time we got in the car I felt like it was time for a nap.

On Friday we returned to Poughkeepsie. We left Hanover pretty early in the morning because Ma wanted to make sure we made our reservation at the Culinary Institute of America! That was our main fun for the day, we went to lunch at one of their more casual restaurants and then walked around the campus a bit. Such a fun place, food is life there! Also all the students walk around in their white chef outfits and it amused me.

Friday was actually a really weird day for me because we were in Poughkeepsie and at Vassar, but I was still with my mom so it was sort of still vacation time? I think Vassar has been sort of this separate part of my life that doesn't entirely feel like it's even the real world, so I felt very strange to be here but to not be doing activities that are part of my normal Vassar life.

It was nice to get back to my room, I have formed an attachment with it as my living space. Also, I got lights and plants and a map from Mariko so I got to do more decorating which always is a cheery thing. And I am so stocked for baking now, thannnkkkkk youuuuu mommm. So that's exciting.

This weekend has been really quite strange. There aren't that many people on campus, so it's felt sort of dead, and there aren't any events or anything, so I have loads of time. I went on a long-ish run on Saturday morning and then just did work and relaxed for the rest of the day. I'm pleased because I finally made actual progress on my long-term psych research paper. I also watched Sing! A fun movie. Today has been more of the same, I kind of feel like I have more time than I have things to do, which isn't a bad thing, but it means that I spend a lot of time thinking. And I have been feeling a little bit sad, or something the past few days, and am trying to process this.
I think it was a big disruption to my routine to go on October break adventures, and it was something I was getting really excited for. And it was awesome, and I loved it. I basically spent the whole time doing fun things with people that I love and that love me very much. But in doing that, it kind of reminded me of what life outside of Vassar is like.
Montreal definitely felt like the real world, and made me question if I've even had true contact with the real world since I've been here. It is so easy to live life only on this campus, and it's not that easy to get off it, and if I am getting off it, it's probably through something Vassar-related. So everything is part of this Vassar-life.
I think the most striking thing was probably the being around super-important-in-my-life-people. When we were talking about babies in psych, we talked about co-regulation and how moms and babes usually start to react to each other in order to synchronize their emotions and behavior and stuff. And while I was on break, all of my activities were done with other people and the structure of my schedule and my behavior involved being mindful of these other people, and them being mindful of me. Here, I am completely independent, and this is very freeing, but also sort of isolating. I think it is this dynamic that is making me feel a little bit sad these past few days, because I feel a little like I'm missing something and I think that's it.
Regarding sadness, I don't think I've truly felt sad here until maybe this weekend (and this current state is not a deep sadness, more a twinge of something). I've been thinking about that, and I feel like part of it is a defense system. I'm in a new environment and haven't built support systems yet, so if I were to be sad, I have no guarantee that I have the proper tools to deal with that. Also, I'm just not a sad person. I usually go through life really happy or content or just appreciating all the little things. And I think I've been doing that here a lot too, but I think it's important to have all emotions sometimes. Inside Out taught me well, y'all.
Well, this is getting to be sort of an in-depth though vomit of my musings and feelings, so I better wrap it up soon. I talk about sadness not because I'm suddenly feeling depressed or because I need pity or comfort, but more in an observational and self-awareness way, so please don't worry about me.

A few last notes before the slew of pictures. It's over a month until Thanksgiving, but this October break has made me so grateful for many things. A longer list will probably come later, but most obviously, I am grateful to have the privilege to have my mother fly over to visit me and take me on adventures in which I get to visit my best friend and my sister and do lots of fun (lots of food related) things. What a lucky girl I am. I am also grateful to have these lovely people in my life, and I am grateful to be going to school here and to be having these experiences that make me think a lot.

Ok, pictures time.