its the end

By Tamika Whitenack

Well folks, once again I am sitting in JFK the airport at JetBlue Terminal writing my last blog of the semester. Only this time it’s also my last blog of my first-year of college! Wow! To be completely honest, the absurdity of this statement has not really struck me yet...I still feel like I’m in school and haven’t totally processed that I am going home, and I think that when I return to Vassar, I’ll still be a first-year, not a sophomore. How did we get here?!? I’m pretty mindblown.

This post is probably going to be long, because I want to wrap things up, but I also have to tell you about my very eventful last week in New York! And I’m definitely going to ramble, because I got very minimal sleep last night (was having a movie night and then when i actually tried to sleep it was a real struggle because my allergies were severely aggravated by the room packing, my bed was stripped so i only had my neck pillow and a blanket and the mattress was not comfy/also sort of itchy, and the birds were chirping at 3:30 i am not kidding you so at 4:30 i ended up going downstairs to sleep on a couch in the multi-purpose room of Raymond which was mildly successful but basically i did not sleep well). And it’s been a long day of moving boxes (not having a functional elevator is the worst! What a workout) and saying good-byes my last trip to the Deece for a final meal, and 2 hours on the train, 1 hour of waiting for the shuttle, a little over 1 hour of NYC traffic, and 1 hour of dealing with checking bags and security. I still ended up at my gate with approximately 3 hours to spare, so overall I’d say a Cathy-Chin success.

Okay, rewind to go back over what has happened since I last blogged. Last Sunday was a long day in which I made myself actually start studying. It was pretty boring, I really did just study and pack and didn’t do any fun exercise beyond my normal run. It was actually a very exhausting day because there was nothing busy or exciting about it...

But then on Monday, the excitement began! My friend and I were up at 7am to head to the train station. We took a trip up to Buffalo to visit her uncle, and ohhhh my it was an experience! Very fun, but also just a little bit crazy. Her uncle has a very big personality, and he is also very generous and totally spoiled and pampered us.

We arrived in Buffalo Monday late afternoon, got briefly settled in at his house, then went off to dinner....which was a whole suckling pig! Her uncle does work as a alcohol distributor (I think?) so he knows a bunch of chefs, so he had them specially prepare this pig and then we went back into the kitchen to learn how to carve it up. My friend decapitated it, I did the shoulders, she did the hind quarters. Considering I am functionally a vegetarian while at Vassar, this was quite the experience, but it was good meat! 6+ hours of roasting stuffed with citrus and onions and herbs...

After this dining experience, we returned to the house and spent some time chasing his 3-yr-old daughter around the house before heading to bed and watching a movie. Mother’s Day, it is a pretty bad movie but to the point where it’s somewhat laughable?

The next morning started off with a trip to Niagara Falls! It was a very rainy day, so we got a pretty immersive and wet experience, but it was really fun and a spectacular site! I did feel very tourist-y. We went on the boat tour that goes to the water under the falls as well as the walking thing that brings you to the base of the falls. It was loud, wet, and powerful. It’s interesting for me because I definitely identify as a waterfall lover, but that is largely born out of Yosemite-type waterfalls. This was very different! But still breathtaking, nature is so cool y’all.

After this wet morning, we went to a cool food spot in Buffalo (everyone’s a foodie so that was sort of a theme of the trip). It’s located in West Buffalo and it’s a very fun place because there are lots of different stalls of various ethnic cuisines. It was created with the intent of giving immigrants an easy business-start, and the space is made available to them at a good price. There were a lot of different stalls and I honestly would have been happy to try all of them, but we only got about half (hahahaha this was still a lot of food). I think Grandma would have loved this place.

That evening was a big family dinner with a lot of Sicilian relatives that my friend had actually never met before. It sort of reminded me of our family events in some ways, but was also totally different! We agreed it was super fun, slightly overwhelming.

The next day we went to visit her grandparents, who live in a cute part of Buffalo near the historical society and a little Japanese garden that we strolled through. We then took a trip to tour the Martin House, which is one of the first homes that Frank Lloyd Wright designed. It was really interesting! Following this was a lunch of ice cream and then back on the train home.

The trip was very busy, but also very productive for our studying. The two 6-hr train rides sort of forced us to do hw because there really wasn’t anything else to do, and we also spent some time on Tuesday afternoon in her uncle’s very comfy lounge/basement doing work. He got us nice snacks to (fruit and avocados yum), so that enhanced the experience. It did rather feel like a vacation because of how much we did/how much we were spoiled.

Thursday was my Biology final! I think it went ok. Mainly I’m just so glad to be done with that class...I like the subject of biology and the class wasn’t awful, it just wasn’t terribly exciting. The rest of my Thursday was spent with a good run, a last swim at the gym, a bit of painting, some packing...

Friday was Spanish, my last final! I also feel like it went fine. I must confess, the lengthiness of study week makes me rather relaxed and ambivalent about finals, its so long that I start to get bored and rather than be stressed about finals, I’m just annoyed and can’t wait to get them over with. I think meh is a good way to describe my attitude. My sense of urgency was also not helped by the fact that I was in pretty good shape in both classes grades-wise going into the finals, and the long time of no school stuff during study week reminds me that the world is a lot bigger than grades and school so that almost makes it feel like it doesn’t matter? But don’t worry (@people paying for my education), I did study and I think I did pretty good on things.

Friday was also my last full day! It was a tad surreal. Before the final, I went on my last farm run with my running friend. After my final, I went to my last Pilates class. I also went out to get ice-cream with a friend who is a senior (sad! But I think she’s gonna be in NYC next year so the plan is to go visit and cook/eat a bunch together). Then I did a fun thing in the evening at Poughkeepsie Farm Project! The event was called Forage and Feast, and it was led by an ethnobotanist. We went on a li’l plant walk and learned how to identify plants, and then we made some fun stuff: stinging nettle soup (my favorite), hummus with a bunch of random green stuff, wild onion, and also wisteria, dandelion +other green stuff pesto, mushrooms, a two teas: mugwort and alehoof (i think that was the name? ). Overall, it was just a fun event and I also had some fun conversations with other participants. I like doing community events because I get to interact with people who aren’t college students! And I also am just in love with PFP haha. But also, this event really highlights one of the themes of my semester, which is my fascination with how much information there is about nature and natural systems and how much I can learn and how useful it is and I honestly just think it’s the coolest and really want to learn more. I learned yesterday that mushrooms have lots of different genders which helps with fruiting and that also they could potentially be used for stuff like breaking down cell-phones so the material can be reused. Wild.

Okay, I think that just about brings us back to this moment and my impending arrival home. It’s honestly impossible for me to fully capture what this year has been for me, and I think I’m still processing, but I’ll try to wrap it up in this blog.

I would say that overall, I’ve had a very good freshman year, especially second semester. I’m usually in a baseline content mood ranging to an elated joy mood, and there are many moments when I pause and am just so, so, grateful because I feel like I am living my best life.

Here’s a snapshot: sitting at my desk after my morning run with tea and my readings. My classes this semester have been great, and the reading (especially for food sociology class and climate change class) has for the most part been genuinely enjoyable. I really like to learn, so that aspect of college has just been huge because I feel like my mind is so stuffed with new information (both academic and other). I think this semester has shown me how enjoyable it can be to engage in material and really feel like I’m learning exciting and new concepts and ways to look at and operate in the world.

I think I’ve mentioned this a bit before, but I truly believe I am one of the healthiest physical places I have ever been. I don’t run as intensely as in high school, but I still run consistently and I think that is really good for me (basically i’m less obsessive but still passionate about it). I do way more other stuff like pilates, yoga, boxing, and this semester especially have really started swimming more. I feel great! I also eat very clean here I think, as most of the carb/sugars/fats at the dining hall do not tempt me so I stick to veggies and not processed stuff.

That said, I’ve still managed to do a lot of fun baking and cooking, and found others who share this! And gotten to learn a lot about food (and farming!) in the community and the Hudson Valley. As you know from all the pictures I’ve shared, the food adventures continue and I’m so grateful for that.

A brief note about art: this semester I did a bunch of doodling for my happy class and also started watercoloring with a friend and I love both. Also my origami cranes every night...idk i guess i have a soft spot for aesthetic beauty.

Back to the learning note, college has definitely made me a more critical person (both through academic class stuff but also other lectures, events, club meetings, talking with other people...) but also made me more open-minded. I feel like these words don’t mean much when I just say it like that, but it’s hard to describe the way in which I feel I’ve changed. I also don’t think change is the best word, I feel more like I’ve grown than radically changed. I think I’m a lot more self-aware of my privileges and personality and try to be more attuned to others and the dominant systems at place in any given situation. I could talk more about this because I think it’s been a huge part of the personal journey aspect of college, but it’s also very complicated so I’ll leave it at that. Hmu if you wanna chat more

Socially, second semester has been totally different than first! I think saying good-bye to people these past couple days has best illustrated how much closer I’ve gotten to people this semester, and this has contributed to really making Vassar start to feel like it could be home. College is a weird situation and so easy to be isolated and alone, and while I still think college is very strange, I also feel like I’ve found a lot of genuinely good people who I’m grateful to have in my life and who are grateful that I’m in theirs. I think reciprocal warm fuzzy feelings is a key piece of satisfying my interpersonal relationships happiness pie piece, and I feel like I’ve gotten that so much more this semester. Yay :D

When I think back over the year, I also just feel like there have been so many cool experiences that I’ve gotten to have! I could list them all but i’ve basically been doing that over the course of this blog. Idk basically I think I’m just really lucky because I’m in this stage and place in life and the world where I basically just am on a perpetual adventure and it’s kind of awesome.

I could say a lot more, but I think we might actually start boarding soon? I suppose I just want to end with a smile. Because I think that is the best way to sum up what my first year has been. There have been melancholy smiles as I look at the pics of family on the wall, goofy smiles laughing with friends and making food, joyful smiles as I run through beauty, contented smiles in bed being productive with work, warm glowy smiles as I read letters from loved ones, relieved smiles after tests, yikes smiles in the midst of busy workload times, thoughtful smiles walking to class or sitting at lectures, cutesy smiles making new friends, in-awe smiles learning new stuff about farms, contented smiles at the end of a good gym session, and now this smile here at the airport. I think it is a full smile. It is the explosion of spring green, the light pink of strawberry ice cream, the deep brown of dark chocolate, the fuzzy yellow of goslings...I said in a run to someone recently that I feel full, so many colors! And I know that might not make sense, but I think it is the best way to describe things.

Ok. Bye :)